meditation.

and then she said... let your thoughts out to play...tell them to return in a while ...meanwhile focus on the space between your eyes... and relax...
Its not really such an easy task to not think...its actually a huge task by itself...
i gave it my best shot and along with the shot of sending my thoughts away to wander out nd play i found i wasnt anylonger here...but this happened for the shortest while ... i had gone out to stand by the water to watch the flight of the egyrts and dive of the commorants... and then i had walked at the edge looking into the grey brown waters...thinking i might see the fish...now while i was doing all this i realized i needed to get back home to write about what i saw...and WHAMMM!!!! i was back in the room lying ..with my eyes closed but a smile on my lips...so i hadnt actaully succeeded in the meditation...or had i????

my journey

so today onwards begins my journey in the form of minds communications with everything around me. my thoughts feelings and yes my interactions...
i ask myself at this juncture of my life ' what am i all about?'
who am i?
what am i capable off and where lie my shortcomings... do my short comings have the ability to become an advantage for me or rather putting it like this, can they become my strength?
at 44 i ought to know myself pretty much...or am i still wandering within the inroads into me... the inroads are very much there . this is for sure cause i am much into this business of travelling into my being ... asking myself far too many questions...now my first and foremost question is
WHY AM I SOMETIMES SO LONELY THAT IT BECOMES UNBEARABLE????
SO LONELY THAT I FEEL THAT IF I WERENT ON THIS PLANET BREATHING IN THIS LIFE FORM NOBODY WOULD MISS ME...
but i kno i am so wrong on that ..i know some very near and dear ones would miss me my mom my dad my son and my bestest friend... mom would miss for the longest time i kno...after all she's mom...who gave birth, nurtured and brought me up...shes doing that to this very day in her very special way...she loves me like no other can...
i kno i have alienated myself from most people . its my own doing of my own personal choice so i shouldnt feel this way... another thing i kno is that am not giving myself any credit for what i can be and am capable of being...